|
Article
for Parents
|
|
Parenting
Tips for the New Year
by Yosef I. Abramowitz
"Every
year it's basically a disaster," says Michael, "but my parents
did it to me and I guess I’m just continuing the tradition."
If
your experience as a family mirrors Brenda and Michael's
attempt to do the Jewish thing, here's my advice to you:
Stop
the madness!
When
you are traveling on an airplane, the flight attendant tells
you, "In the unlikely event of an emergency, place
the oxygen mask first over your face and only then attend
to your child." As parents, we may feel a bit guilty
to think of ourselves first and ignore our child's needs.
But we need to breathe in order to help our children breathe.
The
same is true for nurturing a spiritual life in our children.
On Rosh Hashanah we draw in deeply from the Divine breath.
In other words, we reach as high as we can to attain a spirituality
that will make us effective spiritual guides to our children
in the coming year. So if they are very young and they get
in the way of your prayers, don't feel guilty about arranging
adequate child care.
For
families, Rosh Hashanah can easily become a spiritual let-down
if not planned wisely. If you do drag your young children
to a five-hour service, you had better be prepared with
games, food, juices, a change of clothing, and other distractions.
Even then, it is unlikely that they will let you listen
to the rabbi’s sermon. If you really want to expose your
young children to services, pick an afternoon or early evening
service—which tend to be far shorter. Either way, here are
some survival strategies you may want to consider:
**Find
out in advance which High Holiday prayer book the congregation
uses, buy several copies, and have everyone in the family
make a special book cover of cloth or paper.
**Look
through the prayer book and, at leisure, familiarize yourself
with the text and highlight words that speak to you. Some
High Holiday prayer books come with an audio cassette, and
you can play these while driving in your car in the week
leading up to Rosh Hashanah.
**
Our family found a children's High Holiday tape, which we
play in the car while driving the kids to and from school.
Our kids will sometimes sing some of the tunes while they
are playing with blocks or drawing. As they grow up, they
will become increasingly familiar with the prayers and will
be more comfortable when they attend services.
**
One 'heretical' idea is to split your observance of Rosh
Hashanah. On the first day, go to synagogue, have the festive
meals, and participate in the traditional customs of the
New Year. On the second day, however, celebrate the "birthday
of the world" with a family hike in the mountains or
by the seashore. Be prepared with songs, nature games and
/or discussions to help your children appreciate the beauty
of nature and the majesty of our Creator.
**
At the beginning of the secular year, you may make resolutions
regarding losing weight or learning a new skill. On the
Jewish New Year it is appropriate to make resolutions relating
to the way we treat each other, our contributions to society,
our spiritual growth, observing a new mitzvah (commandment),
trying a new ritual, or reading more books on Jewish themes.
Have each member of your family write a Jewish resolution
and post them on your refrigerator as a friendly reminder.
**
Just before Rosh Hashanah, call the family together and
sit everyone down with stamps, envelopes and cards (either
bought or self-made), and prepare New Year's cards to be
sent out. Your children will learn about the importance
of relationships for family celebrations. The card you send
to your old college roommate, who lives across the country,
shows your kids the value of building lasting friendships.
Save the cards you receive and then for Sukkot laminate
them to use as decorations in your Sukkah.
And,
most importantly, teach your children about forgiveness
by example. Ask them for a pardon from actions or words
that you wish you could take back from the past year. Openly
engage in this process with your partner as well. Last year,
Aliza, our four year old, mimicked our behavior by asking
forgiveness from Hallel, her two year old sister. The scene
was as sweet as apples and honey.
Shana tova!
Yosef I. Abramowitz is co-author with his wife, Rabbi Susan Silverman, of Jewish Family & Life: Traditions, Holidays and Values for Today’s Parents and Children (Golden Books).
|
|
About
Alef... Bet... Blastoff
|
